


This Hand Reached for You and Missed

by AngelOfDarkus



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Edling Week, Emperor Ling Yao, F/M, Growing Old, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Multi, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27381682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelOfDarkus/pseuds/AngelOfDarkus
Summary: "Ed's hands have always been smaller than Ling's. His right hand was always softer and a little thinner than his left, forever a reminder of the past."If they were to be reborn, Ling would choose to fall in love with Ed all over again.foredling week 2020october 18:  hair /hands/ high school
Relationships: Edward Elric & Ling Yao, Edward Elric/Ling Yao, Edward Elric/Winry Rockbell, Mei Chan | May Chang/Alphonse Elric
Comments: 15
Kudos: 60





	This Hand Reached for You and Missed

Ling feels a hand slip into his own and it takes way too much of his strength to turn his head to look at who it is. It's him. His golden eyes look at him mournfully and Ling hates it. But the feel of Ed's hand holding his own feels like a fever dream.

If only Ling wasn't on his deathbed.

He knows he's going to die. No matter how much his caretakers try not to say it, he knows. And it's okay. Nobody lives forever. He had direct experience with that. Right now, he takes in the aura of the man he's loved for decades sitting in a chair next to his bed, holding on to his hand. Ed's hands have always been smaller than Ling's. His right hand was always softer and a little thinner than his left, forever a reminder of the past. 

  
  


. . .

  
  


They pressed their fists together for the first time after they had managed to get out of Gluttony's stomach. Something shifted in Ling's chest when they were in there and it wasn't just because of his broken ribs.

After that, everything had changed so quickly. Greed took over and Ling took a backseat to his own body. He was barely able to send a message for Lan Fan. He could only bide his time until Greed's hold on him weakened. In the very beginning, he had a lot of time to think about the past, the present, and the future. He tried to pick up on everything that Greed heard or saw, but it seemed even the other Homunculi didn't fully trust him.

It was only after Greed attacked Wrath in a blind rage that Ling was able to take over and run away to the last place he felt safe in that godforsaken country. And there they had run into Ed. A lot can happen in six months, and a lot did happen. Greed was _greedy_ about having control, but he became more lenient in letting Ling out eventually. In a much less than ideal situation, Ling and Ed ended up spending more time together than they'd ever have thought. Those are all distant memories now, the details notwithstanding the test of time. Most things don't. 

The moment he never forgot was the night before the Promised Day where he and Ed had some time to sit together. Feeling vulnerable and anxious, their deepest fears came to light as they tried not to consider everything that could go wrong. Sitting together by the campfire, Ling grabbed Ed's left hand, the non-automail one, and held on to it. He gave it a reaffirming squeeze. It was when Ed looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, slightly messed-up hair, and intense golden eyes, he knew he was more than just attracted to him. Ed's tenacity and drive were undeniably attractive, but that combined with his softer side that was often overshadowed by his temper and penchant for petty insults all packaged in a small golden frame was really something else. Ling was sure he was in love and he figured it out at the worst moment. So he pushed the realization as far into the back of his mind as he could, and chose to hold Ed's hand a little tighter. Ed gripped back as if his life depended on it. There the two of them sat in silence with heavy hearts, preparing themselves for the following day. Until Greed decided it was time to move again.

Once "Father" had been defeated and it was all over, Ling watched Ed sit beside his brother's broken suit of armor. Ling was ready to give up his chance at the throne if it would take that haunted look off of Ed's face, but he refused. Ling wasn't even surprised at that. Ed was stubborn about his ideals, and against all odds, he brought his brother back. The happiness that radiated from him then was blinding. It made Ling's chest ache. 

Resisting the urge to pull him into an embrace, Ling pressed his fist to Ed's and decided once again that it was the wrong time to say anything about how he felt. Right now wasn't about him or his love for Edward Elric. With those words left unspoken on his tongue, he made his way back to Xing with Lan Fan and Mei Chang and was granted the throne.

  
  


. . .

  
  


In Xing, Ling began countless letters, even finished a few, but never sent any. He focused on his country and his people, they were his first priority. It was almost a year and a half later when Alphonse Elric sent a message to the palace announcing he'd arrive soon. There was never a message from Edward. Ling welcomed Al warmly and granted him official diplomatic status. Al spent a lot of time with Mei learning alkahestry. Sometimes when Al would be working with him in the meeting room, he'd make a face that was so much like Ed's that Ling would be taken aback. He would say something that sounded exactly like Ed and Ling couldn't help but stare for a few seconds longer and wish that Ed had also come along.

  
  


. . .

  
  


Months after Al went back, Ling received a letter from Ed. He opened it to see a wedding invitation to his and Winry's wedding. Ling spent that day in his room alone. It was his final heartbreak. He considered not going but he has always known that nothing would ever come from his one-sided feelings in the first place. He’d go see his friends happy and nothing more.

When Ling, Mei, and Lan Fan arrived in Resembool, they met with Al at the station, and he took them to the house. Waves of memories passed over Ling as he spotted Ed near the house. The look on his face when he saw them walking towards him was worth every day without him. He actually started running over to them and yelled "Ling!" The sound of Ed's voice made Ling's heart skip a beat, as cliche as that was. Ling started running to him too. 

They stopped in front of each other. Ed offered his hand and Ling quickly took it, almost expecting automail for a second. 

"I didn't think you'd actually show up," Ed said grinning as he shook his hand. Ed still wasn't taller than Ling, but he had grown since they last saw each other 4 years ago. His jawline had grown sharper and his hair a little longer. Happiness was beautiful on him.

"I didn't think I had a choice," he replied, mirroring the grin. "At least I had the decency to visit."

Ed sheepishly scratched his head. "I've been busy traveling."

Inside the house, Winry and Pinako greeted them warmly, pulling the trio into a hug. It was the lightest the emperor had felt in years.

The following day was the wedding. The yard area was set up with a few tables and a small stage. Mustang and his team arrived around noon. Ling wore a royal purple robe and his emperor smile as he discussed politics with them. Some people he didn't know arrived from Rush Valley, close friends of Winry's, Ed told him later.

When everyone was seated, a marriage officiant made a small introductory speech. Then Ed walked to the front with Al. Pinako walked Winry to him. Ed took her by the hand. The couple exchanged rings and vows. Most of the details of the ceremony never registered in Ling's head. It was all background noise, blurred, as he was only drawn to the way Ed looked standing in his black suit. First, visibly nervous when he got to the center and saw everyone looking at him. Then he stood, even more nervous, with flushed cheeks when he saw Winry in her white dress. His intense golden eyes looking at Winry like she was the only one there spoke volumes. 

Ling, on the other hand, wore his emperor face throughout the whole thing. His eyes were smiles and he clapped and cheered along with everyone else. The happiness he felt was real, but there was a dull ache in his chest that he hated himself for. It was pathetic. He could almost hear Greed laugh, _You never said anything, kid. That was your choice._

During the reception, while Mei spent her time with Al and Lan Fan was with Winry, Ling sat down on the grass and looked out at the never-ending fields around him. He watched a gust of wind comb through the grassy field with narrowed eyes. Ed walked over to him and sat down too.

"You okay?" He looked at him with something in his eyes that was unreadable. Ironic for a man who was so obvious.

"Yeah! Congrats to you and Winry!" Ling answered genuinely. "You deserve to be happy together."

"Thank you," Ed had replied softly. "Sometimes it feels like I don't deserve any of it."

"No. Don't do that to yourself. You deserve happiness, you deserve a family. You love each other right? You're not alone, we're all friends, right?"

Ed didn't say anything, but he didn't break eye contact either. He nodded slightly. 

"Just be glad you're taller than her." That broke the tension that had begun to surround them.

"Tch," Ed punched him on the shoulder, but he looked amused.

"Come on, Mr. Groom, I can't let you hide away here too long." Ling stood up and offered him a hand. 

Ed took it.

. . .

  
  


Loneliness had settled comfortably inside of the emperor over the years. He learns to never dwell on it. After all, it's easy to pretend it doesn't exist when there's a country to run. He's so often surrounded by people, he forgets it's there. There are so many laws to understand and fix. The clan system is only the starting point. He spends many years forming a team of trusted and knowledgeable advisors. He makes treaties and trade deals with neighboring countries. He enthusiastically funds the building of a train to connect Amestris and Xing. He travels within Xing to directly meet the people, Lan Fan his main guard as usual. His country is full of people and life. He travels all over to meet them, to shake their hands. He lives for them. 

  
  


. . .

  
  


"Aren't you worried about an heir? Don't you have anyone you want to marry?" Ed asked him once when he was in Xing with Winry and their two kids.

Ling laughed aloud, ignoring the sting in his chest that arose after being suppressed for so long. "I did once," he admitted. Ed's youngest child, his daughter Alice, 5 years old already, sits snugly in the emperor’s lap. She wrapped her little hand around Ling’s palm. "But I'm married to my country." 

It wasn't a lie. He wasn't interested in anyone else. Politics and the clan system made any potential match deadly. The only person he ever loved was happily married, and he would never do anything to ruin that. Ed was one of his closest friends and that would have to be enough for the rest of his life.

  
  


. . .

  
  


A few years later, Al officially decided to stay in Xing when he asked for Mei's hand in marriage. Ed and Winry arrived months before the wedding and Ling became used to a loud and bustling palace. In that time he became very close to their son Solomon who was 10 then. He was a lot like Ed and Al with his love for alchemy and alkahestry. His big golden eyes were just like his dad and when he wasn’t practicing alchemy, he was always with Ling. Their daughter Alice, who was 8 and looked a lot like her mom, admired Lan Fan. She always wanted to train with her but was very shy in front of Ling. He adored them both.

Ed tried to ask him again over dinner one day early in their stay, "The kids love you. Did you think about starting your own family? How will the country go on if something happens to you?"

"Not like you to worry about politics, Ed." Ling looked up from his noodles. He hated this conversation. He heard it enough from the council.

"It's not about politics, it's about you. You deserve to be happy too."

He tilted his head to the right, "What do you mean? I _am_ happy." He said, pretending like Ed's words didn't twist a metaphorical dagger deeper into his chest.

Ed seemed to hesitate before asking, "Then why do you look so— so _sad_ sometimes?"

"You're overthinking," Ling patted his shoulder. "I'm fine. Everyone feels sad sometimes. I'm married to my country. This is more than enough for me."

"Really?"

"Fine, sometimes I miss Greed, even now." He admitted. That wasn’t a lie.

"Oh."

"Nothing can be done about it. That's all."

Ed looked like he wanted to say something else, but Solomon ran in yelling about healing a cut using alkahestry for the first time. With that, he successfully stole his dad's attention and ended the conversation. Ling watched the interaction with a heavy heart, but when Solomon grabbed both of their hands to pull them to where he wanted, he couldn’t help but grin at the boy.

  
  


. . .

  
  


Al and Mei's wedding was a joyous affair. The ceremony was a combination of Amestrian and Xingese culture, as was the feast. Al wore a black suit, not unlike Ed's at his wedding. Ling watched Ed grinning ear to ear as he stood by his brother. Mei's traditional Xingese red dress took breaths away. She grew up beautifully and Ling couldn't have been prouder of his favorite sister. He officiated their wedding, one of the many powers he had as emperor. With the tying of a red thread connecting their ring fingers, the marriage was official.

During the celebration, Solomon and Alice didn't leave his side so Ling entertained them with stories about how they first met and all their adventures, including the time Ed fed him his shoe. The two laughed at that for a long time. When the happy couples joined them and they managed to get Lan Fan to sit with them, it was one of the happiest moments in Ling’s life, full of love and joy. He was extremely lucky to be surrounded by friends, or rather, his family.

There was a silence that lingered when Ed and his family went back to Amestris. It was only broken when Al and Mei had their first child, a baby girl, the following year. 

It was then Ling named his niece Suyin as his official successor.

. . .

  
  


At almost 70, Ling was doing pretty well until he collapsed in his study one day. Since then, in the past few months, his health deteriorated faster than expected.

He knows Al must have told Ed which is why he's here and the two of them sit by him together. Lan Fan, forever a guardian, but more so his closest friend for the past many decades, talks to Winry on the side. They reminisce about old times and discuss more recent events. They talk about how Solomon is dating a Xingese boy he met in Central while attending school. Solomon had called Ling a few days ago. Alice and Suyin, best friends despite the age gap, work together a few rooms over.

The others slowly drift away, each having their reason, and Ed is the only one left in the room with him. He's still holding onto his hand. Ling tries to squeeze it reassuringly but it's a weak attempt at seeming okay. It has the opposite effect. Ed's face darkens but he makes eye contact and gives him a weary smile. His smile lines have become more prominent over the years and the wrinkles in his forehead don't disappear. But he’s still every bit the person Ling fell in love with all those years ago.

"Thank you for always being you," Ling manages to say quietly. "I'm glad we met." 

If Ed says something back, Ling doesn't hear it. He smiles at Ed anyway, eyes turning into crescents, and he lets go of Ed’s hand one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda used the prompt loosely in this one but I was feeling it.  
> Ik it's November already but it's always edlingweek in my heart <3
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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